Why You Are Falling in Love With a Person You Can't Have?




There have been too many stories about someone who deeply fall in love with somebody else, but they just aren't meant to be together. As the days go by, he/she can not forget the person he/she loves so much.

Perhaps, that story happened to you. And you may ask yourself: Why we love someone we can't have? Is there something special with him/her that you can never forget him/her? Is he/she better than your current lover?

Actually, there are several scientific reasons for why we love someone we can't have. It is not about soulmate concept. It is not only about the thing that is special about him/her. And, what it is all about?

1. It is tempting
In The Search for Fulfillment Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a psychologist from Massachusetts Amherst University said that if it is easy for you to get what you want, you will not be thankful for that. She gave an example of an animal who is taught to push a button to get a food. It will know that everytime it pushes the button, it will get the food, and it will not be thankful for the food. In the research, it is called 'partial reinforcement'.

Otherwise, if it doesn't always get the food when it pushes the button, it will be thankful if the food comes to him. It is similar to what you feel to your loved one when you can not make him/her yours.

You will be so thankful for his/her presence, and you will always wonder what good life would be if he/she is yours. How is she/he had been yours? Maybe you would still love him/her, but you won't be so obsessed.

2. Your imagination is growing
The more you can just think about something, the more you imagine about how that thing can be. In relation to your beloved one, for example, you can not interact with him/her but you always imagine that you have that interaction.

Your imagination then grows. Maybe you will imagine that she/he will give you a good present for your birthday. Or imagine that you will talk about everything all day long in an exquisite cafe.



You have many possibilities about your love.  But, will it be the same in the reality? Like Tom Hansen have experienced before, expectation versus reality. Maybe your reality with him/her is not as good as your imagination

3. You want to prove yourself
People tend to love competition. Competition is a media to prove ourselves. When we win, we will feel happy, but not always feel satisfied. We will search other higher and higher competition.

But how if we lose? Some people will give up. But they are still curious on why they lost. They will think about that competition. Feeling upset, then asking themselves why did they lose. And at some point, they will never stop thinking about it.



If you lose in this love competition, you will feel like you are thrown away like trash. And you will keep asking why can you lose? What's wrong with you? And many people will get obsessed and unconsciously, try to win their beloved ones' heart.

*** 
Falling in love with a person you can have is like an adventurous trip. It is challenging, but not good for your real life.

Main pic: freepik.com

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